Protesting not enough
By Sean O'Donaile
y Republican worth his/her salt, or James Connolly
badge, should be well used to a lifetime of protest,
dodging plastic bullets and batons from your friendly
bobby, standing on white lines, roof tops and traffic
islands, highlighting everything from the Ballymurphy
Seven to Brits Out. Hence one might have a somewhat
cynical approach to Channel 4's ``Smash It Up'' last
Tuesday, which highlighted ten varying tales of
protest.
Lily the Lollipop Lady was suspended from lollipop land
for five months for associating with ``those layabouts''
with funny hair and dogs in their coat pockets, as they
tried to prevent the demolition of Wanstead Green for
yet another motorway. Obviously unused to such actions
Lily nevertheless felt strongly enough about the issue
to let the hairy people use her lollipop as a shovel to
move earth in a bid to stop the digging, and was
charged with ``bringing her uniform into disrepute''.
Ian Bone was a member of those famous revolutionaries
`Class War', whose campaigns included ``String up the
yuppies'' and ``hospitalise a copper week''. Ian was proud
of the fact that on the Trafalgar Square Poll Tax riot,
they only smashed up BMWs and Mercs and left Minis and
Ladas alone - much of the chagrin of the Lada owner who
could have done with the insurance money. Ian's dying
wish would be ``to see Buckingham Palace in flames''.
Class War has now been disbanded ``to reinvent the
revolution''.
No one can deny the educational value of protest and
such was the case for Betty Cook, a miner's wife who
was batoned by police on the picket line during the
strike of `84. Betty eventually became a feminist, went
to university and left her hubby in his slippers, after
realising her marriage of 30 years was ``not a proper
life''. The gay rights activist featured was probably
denied the right to marry, especially after he was
charged with ``orally manipulating an erect penis'' by
London's finest.
This programme made the error of not looking into these
protests in any detail and the nearest we saw to an
Irish protest was a 10 second clip of Cepta's half
dozen. On the second day of Prince Charles treacly
visit to Dublin, Cepta happened to come across some
irate protesters and her children's tea was sacrificed
for Ireland's greater glory. Somehow all the eggs
managed to miss although to this day she can't recall
why the sixth egg was never thrown - someone must have
chickened out!
On Tonight with Vincent Browne, RTE - Sunday, Vincent
cut through Bob Geldof's waffle like a scythe, accusing
him of being ``in the heart of the Establishment''.
Geldof strenuously denied this but described the
Welfare State as ``unaffordable and inappropriate'' and
the ``redistribution of wealth is not the answer''. He
still feels ``my anger at the unfairness of it all'' -
Cockaboloo. His political naivety was astounding or was
it conservatism? - either way it was horsesh**. He left
Ireland because the Government wouldn't give him eleven
phones for a pop newspaper. He railed against the
church-ridden Irish society, yet Browne pointed out how
comfortable he felt in the hereditary monarchy of
England.
His finest moment was appearing on Top of the Pops when
he wore a tricolour on his jacket - oh you closet Provo
you! There was no doubting his youthful anger, stemming
from his mother's death and an uneven relationship with
his father and he has produced some fine music.
Unfortunately we've had to listen to his psycho-babble
ever since, including his departing note that ``I'm a
mass of contradiction in my fore conscience''!
If you're looking for some brain dead New Year's telly,
UTV's Neighbours from Hell is for you. Fred and
Siegfried live next door to each other in Putney and
don't see eye to eye, especially as German Siegfried
has built a ten foot Berlin style Wall to protect
himself from Fred, who ``doesn't mind dealing with
Germans on his package holidays as it's part of the
deal'' but on home turf there'll be no ``f****g Nazi's''
getting one over on Fred, who was charged for marching
outside Siegfried's garden with a Union Jack singing
`land of Hope and Glory'. Fred protests his innocence
and says if he's barmy ``then so is the Queen Mum''. Yes
Fred.
Alan has taken offence to Gordana the muralist, who has
painted giant sunflowers on her wall in Northern Green.
``Crikey,'' says Alan ``it's just not cricket'' - a day in
West Belfast might sort Alan's head out.
Speaking of sad urbanites King of the Hill, Network 2,
comes from the makers of Beavis and Butthead but is not
quite as tasteless. Hank is a slob in a white vest, who
drinks beer with his Bob and Rick, shoots off his .38
revolver at parties and doesn't like ``those darn
hippies''. His wife has a bun in her hair and square
glasses and prepares the dinner, while always polite.
His son is an overweight Butthead who collects dead
ants and burgers and his neighbours are the sort of
people who tell you to ``get offa my property''.
This doesn't stop them from visiting Hank's garden
parties where they sample his 183 varieties of beer and
talk about the ``damn Commies'' and who's got the best
lawn. Way to Go!
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